R.A.W.

The initials of a man I once dated. I wanted to use the name I gave him but he put his own shit on blast by putting the nickname in an entry of his. He too has a blog and actually introduced me to the world of blogging. I used to write a lot about him ... mostly evil and hurtful things about how I regretted meeting him and things of that nature. Since those posts I've gotten over my 'feelings' for him and developed a liking for him that rest along the lines of friendship. He's cool as hell ... NOW! lol.

I think we met at the wrong time. He had just ended a relationship with his 'ex' and I had done the same with mine. Ironically, our previous mates left us in the exact same fashion ... they just up and moved their shit out of our places. We had THAT common. Not to mention ... both of our mothers had passed from diseases and we shared the same interests. We should have taken our time getting to know each other ... but we didn't (I am the Queen of Rushing). We rushed! But it was GREAT ... at first anyway. During the time we dated, we had great moments and we had bad moments ... I guess that's what you get when you expedite a situation. To make a long story short, we ended up going our separate ways after a brief courtship. And at first, I have to admit that I despised him ... he hurt me ... with his sarcastic words and his ability to demean me w/o me picking up on it at first (I know I'm S-L-O-W). But I came to realize that he was only telling me the truth about myself and I didn't want to hear it.

Despite our verbal attacks on each other ('cause you know your girl can spit verbal venom ... I can make a person cringe with my words), I look back on things and realize he wasn't THAT bad to me. I remember one day I had caught a flat tire on my way home. I made it to my apartment complex and called him to tell him. Now, he lives in Clayton County and I reside in Gwinnett ... people who live in the 'A' KNOW these counties are not even CLOSE to each other. But he stopped what he was doing and drove to Jimmy Carter Blvd. to pick me up from Pep Boys (only after I flirted hard enough to get my tired fixed for free), take me home, and put the tire on for me. I also recall me, him, and my lil cousin going shopping one day. There was this book I REALLY wanted and found and purchased at Barnes and Noble (which was our spot ... as long as there was a Starbucks inside ... we used to go on Friday nights and read magazines while sipping our frappucinos). As we were piling in my car to go to the next mall, I left the book on top of the car! When we got to our next spot, I was so irritated at myself for doing something so stupid ... I was not in a good mood ... and he knew it. We walked into the mall and immediately had an argument. He went his way and we went ours. About an hour later, I called his cell to tell him where we were ... he walked into the Adidas store with his hands behind his back. I was like WTF is going on. He pulled a bag from behind his back and handed it to me. I said 'What is this'. And he replied (and I'll never forget) 'Something to make you smile since you're having a bad day'. Inside the bag was a statue of a man and woman whose bodies were embraced in the shape of a heart ... I STILL have it! There are so many wonderful memories I have of him ... us playing basketball late at night (him losing), him getting up early on a Saturday morning to help me move, him getting out of his bed to drive me to Krystal's for some chili cheese fries, him dropping me off and picking me up from the airport (he waited on me both times) or just me and him walking the dog late at night.

I think back on these memories and realize I had a dude down for ME. It's easy to find a ride or die chick but it's hard finding a man who has your back and keeps his word about it. And R.A.W. did just that. I KNEW I could depend on him even when he acted like I couldn't. And that's what I appreciated the most about our 'relationship'. Yes, we laughed at the same things ... he opened my eyes to new experiences ... and being with him helped me to learn more about me. I enjoyed his perfect imperfections ... even his faults were attractive. But as fate would have it we didn't work out as a couple ... but we managed to get past the 'ills' and have developed a friendship. I know you're reading this (PW) ... thank you for everything. You have NO idea how being with you has helped my personal growth. I love you, man!