He Loves Me ... He Loves Me Not

I'm sitting here on my couch on a Sunday afternoon listening to Bilal's "Soul Sista" thinking about my supposed to be soulmate ... Neo. I know I wrote in a previous entry that we were cool and things were fine ... but y'all I'm not sure if that's the REAL case with us.

I don't know what transpired between our last real conversation on Mother's Day but we haven't really been the same since. Now I could probably attribute some of this to recent updates in his life ... but a part of me feels in my heart that it has to do with us.

Things are so weird with us now ... so distant ... so uncomfortable ... so pressured. We're not really talking these days. When we first linked back up, we talked daily ... either phone or email or both. But now if I can get a 'good morning' email from him I'm good. I know Neo ... and I know he gets to a point in his life where he needs to take a break from life but he's always been able to communicate this to me. Yet he has said nothing verbally and has allowed all of his actions to do the talking. He told me that feelings haven't changed but I wish I could say with 100% conviction that I believe him. But I don't. Which makes me wonder if he still loves me ... if he still sees me in his future like he once did ... if I'm still HIS one. My friends tell me that a man who really wanted me in his future wouldn't act this way toward me. And I believe that. But I hope Neo proves me wrong.

We've always moved to the same rhythm ... our souls have always connected ... but now we're off. We've NEVER been off. But now my soul feels so disconnected from his. The love I knew without a doubt he had for me seems to have vanished. Now I'm not so sure anymore. I don't know if they'll ever be a Trinity and Neo anymore. It feels as if he's withdrawn himself from my world ... and I don't know why ... again, anytime we've ever needed a break from each other ... we've always communicated that. And now we're not even saying words to each other.

I don't mind giving him space if he needs it ... hell we all need moments to ourselves. But he and I have always had a way of talking to each other ... in blunt and certain terms. And I think that hurts the most ... knowing that he has closed himself off and he's not even talking to me about ANYTHING. Does he still love me y'all? Am I being paranoid?

And another thing: In my post Healing an OLD Wound, I referred to feeling as if I caused the relationship with my ex-boyfriend to end ... I DON 'T anymore. I was good to that man ... he screwed that shit up ... lol. That's it!