Dr. Pepper Floats

My mom made the BEST Dr. Pepper floats. I remember when I was a lil girl she'd make me walk to the corner store for brownies, vanilla ice cream, and a 2 liter Dr. Pepper. I KNEW what was up?! That woman made the best floats and brownie a la mode. And as Mother's Day draws closer I'm reminded of how she made things in life so much better!

For those of you who KNOW me outside of the Blog world and those who regularly visit my spot, you know that my mother passed in 1997. It was the month after my 21st birthday and my first weekend home from college for Christmas Break. I left my house on Friday to spend the weekend with my boyfriend at the time. I remember before I left I played "A Song for Mama" for her. I remember I looked at her as she sat in front of the fireplace listening to the words. She was crying. She said she was happy ... that she didn't know I felt that way about her (we didn't have the best relationship). I told her I did. My boyfriend came to pick me up ... my mommy told me she loved me ... she waved bye to me from the door ... and we drove off. That was the last time I saw her alive.

For almost 8 years, I've hidden the hurt and pain of losing my mother to AIDS by diving into school, work, and other outlets. And I usually do pretty good ... but this year is different. So many things are going on in my life and I NEED my mommy. I have my grandmother who is my heart ... but there is NOTHING like having my MOMMY around. The sad thing is ... I look just like her (w/o the big boobies). Sometimes it's hard looking in the mirror b/c I see her in me. And the older I get the more I realize I'm so much like her ... beautiful, intelligent, witty and full of LOVE. I didn't tell her much when she was alive but I loved my mommy! She taught me how to play basketball. She taught me how to cook (I wasn't listening though). She taught me about sex and protecting myself. She taught about me God. I sometimes get so caught up in the fact that she wasn't around for much of my life ... or that she was on drugs ... or whatever ... that I don't realize the BEAUTY of her spirit. She was a wonderful woman who would do anything for anyone ... and she passed that trait to me. God how I miss her smile ... her laugh ... her cooking ... her letters of love.

And as I'm reminded of Mother's Day ... I'm reminded that my mommy isn't here to make me the best Dr. Pepper floats ever. I could actually use one right about now.

For those of you who are SO fortunate to have your mother still alive ... don't let the petty things hinder your ability to tell her how much she means to you. She may not ALWAYS be around. Trust me ... I know.