Untitled ...

I wish I could say I missed him
But I don't.
He consumed my emotions for so long.
He captured my heart and my soul.
Yet I don't regret the day I walked away from him.
I didn't cry when we said our final goodbye
For I knew the time to let go had come
At first I thought I would miss the things I'd grown to love about him.
His smile.
His scent.
Watching him tie his tie
Or play with his son.
Yet I've come to miss nothing.
Nothing from our immediate past could persuade me to return to that state of progressive deprivation.
I allowed a part of my soul to be corrupted and eroded with thoughts of "our" future together.
In actuality there was never a future to be written for us.
No future for us to live in stages of marital and parental bliss together.
Only a future withouth each other.
My desire to love and be loved blind sighted my realistic vision
Therefore my life was put on hold entertaining dreams of spending my life with a man who was never meant for me.
For he was a man who slept with other men ... and women as well.
I didn't want to become a statistic.
I didn't want to worry about which gender he could possibly cheat on me with.
I didn't want to acknowledge or confirm that the man I cared for was bisexual.
I didn't want to share my lover with a man
I didn't want to love like this.
And so I broke.
I could no longer ignore my fears and the ever present truth.
He was bisexual and he would never change.
He could never love me the way I needed to be loved.
And I could never accept a man who went both ways.
And my mind finally made a decision my heart couldn't.
I left ... refusing to return to confusion of that magnitude.
I don't regret the decision I made.
And I don't miss him
Although sometimes I wish I could say I did.