My First Love

**Entry begins with the song "My First Love" by Avant and that Keke lady playing softly in the background**

I thought of my first love today. I was thinking about when we first met ... and how we met ... and how we fell in love ... and ultimately how we broke up. It's amazing that I experienced more love at the tender age of 15 than I do now. I guess then all of the insecurities and other 'detrimental to your self-esteem' factors had not yet settled in.

Initially, I was suppose to hook up with his best friend. My friend Seena and I went to a football game to meet up with Aric (the best friend). Aric and Corey (my first love) spotted us and we kicked it for a minute. Aric and I continued to speak on the phone but nothing more came out of it ... until the next football game. My best friend Toysha and I went to another football game ... and again Corey and Aric were there ... except Aric wasn't diggin me this time ... he was checking out Toysha ... and that didn't bother me one bit. Eventually, Toysha and Aric would start 'going together' ... and I figured best friends should date best friends ... so I sought Corey ... and that was the best decision I had made (considering I was ONLY 15 at the time).

Our first conversation was wonderful ... we talked about the most elementary things but we enjoyed it. From about 8 pm until 2 am we talked ... I remember I laid on the kitchen floor in my grandparents' house just conversing with him ... and I knew then that I loved him.

Nevertheless, we 'went together' for five years - off and on ... my high school relationship life was built around the love I had for him. And vice versa. Most guys in my hometown (Cartersville) were afraid to date me for fear that I would go back to Corey ... and they were right. I loved him. And I knew he loved me. Many chicks in Cartersville were intimidated by the love he had for me. Everyone knew about us. They knew of the bond we shared and how that bond could not be broken by anyone ... despite a short term relationship separation.

When we fell in love ... we actually 'fell'. Then I wasn't afraid of being hurt ... cause I had never felt relationship hurt. At the tender age of 15, I wasn't afraid of giving and receiving love ... I had never been in love before. Everything I experienced with him was pure ... untainted ... natural. We molded our young lives into each other. We seldom argued ... because the insecurities we would later develop had not surfaced yet. Our love was based on actual love. I was not yet conditioned by society to believe that my man had to have this and have that in order to be 'good enough' for me. I was conditioned to love a young man ... to extend my eyesight past his looks and into the depth of his soul, his spirit, and his heart. I loved every aspect of Corey ... and he loved me. It was the first and only time in my life that I experienced a healthy, unselfish and honest relationship. He treated me like a queen ... he showered me with love ... he shared his life with me ... he didn't let anyone (friends included) come between us ... he never lied to me ... he never cheated on me ... he never laid a hand on me (to hit me) ... he never made me feel less than perfect for him. All he ever did was love and support me ... no matter what the circumstance.

During one of the 'off' moments of our relationship, Corey began dating a woman who later became pregnant. He felt the need and desire to stay with her (and his unborn daughter) and did so. After a five year courtship, we went our separate ways ... he continued to develop his family and stayed in Cartersville ... I went off to college. Although we were finding love with other people, we never forgot about the love we shared.